“Lu and Lumini: Who is the child in me?” is a light fairy tale with a deep message. The book contains the seeds where each individual finds himself in the role of a parent/adult and at the same time a child/inner child. And when you understand this, your Lumina soul is freed and can live in all its fullness and perfection.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Laura Pompe Sterle
“We have to first
love the inner child
only then you can
we shine outward.”
My journey into its depths began fifteen years ago. Aggression and anger greatly affected my relationship with those closest to me, and I had to take a step in this direction. Dealing with a strongly built ego was a big challenge. I knew inside that I was nothing of what I said on the outside. I knew that I was a gentle and extremely sensitive being, hiding behind an armor of strength so as not to be hurt. The ego may have helped me at times, but I completely identified with it and forgot about myself.
In 2005, I met my partner, with whom we had our first son, Črt. Until then, the greatest miracle of my life. However, I did not feel connected to him and my anger and aggression continued to the point that my partner left us. I knew how much the child meant to him and how much he was afraid of what my actions would make of him. I didn’t listen to him and stood proudly like a pillar in my armor, fighting the evidence that I was right, because there was absolutely nothing wrong with me.
Of course, after a year of living apart, my behavior hasn’t changed much.
My partner loved me with all his heart, but he could not tolerate my yelling and quick aggressive reactions, and he loved his child even more and suggested counseling for partner relationships. Of course, I spent a lot of time preparing for the consultation, what I was going to say and prove how right I am and how I am not the problem, but everyone around me – my partner in this case. Two people were waiting for us in the office, one was leading the mediation, the other was writing down the course of the conversation.
First question: where do I see a problem in our relationship? A wave burst out of me. I talked and talked, my ego proudly looking for every possible situation I could say. After the self-indulgent performance, I waited for the continuation of the conversation. The same question to the partner followed.
He sat calmly in the chair and said two sentences: “To me, she is the most wonderful creature I have ever met in my life, just stop her blabbering.”
I collapsed at that moment. I felt shame, horror, guilt… EVERYTHING!!! These words were so strong and sincere that I was left without a film, without words, without thoughts. All that remained was an internal struggle of self-disappointment, tears and great pain. As if I was about to die, the whole film flashed back to me and I realized that I really had a problem. After therapy, we went for coffee. I asked him again if what he said was true.
Yes, Laura, I’ve been telling you this all along and you don’t want to hear me.
He came back. We had an agreement that when I raise my voice and he has had enough, he will move to the balcony and when I calm down I can come to talk. AND IT HAS BEGUN!!! The battle with the ego, with all the films he projected to me, with the memories he brought to light, from somewhere, disconnected, potentiated, from fighter to victim…
No, I didn’t allow myself to be seduced.
I went to the moment now.
Sentient with all awareness to the moment now, where the voice of the ego is silenced.
In the moment now, the ego is not working.
I watched the event as an observer.
Everything became clear to me.
My Ego is the problem and he didn’t and didn’t want to accept it.
SCHOOL HAS STARTED.
Every day, at every moment, I learned to be conscious in my actions, words, and thoughts. Of course it blew me away, but less and less. That’s how I came to the patterns that I found in myself. To the emotional imprints and stories from the turning points of life, which were repeated all the time. I looked at every sample, every experience, relived it, projected it on the screen, looked again as an observer and learned to understand each event for myself. So the burdens began to fall.
Through this process, I found out which patterns I carry from my parents and other authority figures, which my partner carries. And we peeled things off, layer by layer. With this, we began to understand the parents, their fears and gripes, their worries and anger. They did everything out of love, but as they knew how, as their parents and those around them taught them. We realized that we can change a lot and cut the continuation of the patterns. Going back to childhood, seeing yourself as a child, falling in love anew from there and bringing it back into your heart, nurturing it and acting through it, its sensuality, joy and unconditional love. Forgive and forgive yourself and others so that everything is as it should be. They are all just experiences that we had to experience for a successful journey here, because with this we become even better and more authentic people, it was a big challenge.
Meanwhile, Črt grew and Tom joined us. The two children opened a new chapter. Who has what role?
WE ALL HAVE EVERYTHING.
WE ARE ALL TEACHERS, WE ARE ALL STUDENTS.
When a parent lets go of the role of parent and allows themselves to be a student, the child connects with the inner being of the parent and that’s when a miracle happens. Connections become completely clear and effortless. Nobody is nobody’s property. We are all here to share experiences, guide each other and learn from each other. And even if you are not a parent, you are a parent and a child in one person, you are a teacher and a student.
May it help you on your way to yourself.
No. pages: 40
Release year: 2021
Publisher: Society Višja Vibracija
Author: Laura Pompe Sterle